You might have a big ass if...

With a nod to Jeff Foxworthy and his "You Might Be A Redneck" jokes...

You might have a big ass if...

• You might have a big ass if when you sit on a chair and your ass "spills" over the sides of the seat
• You fall on your butt and bounce
• You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your ass plowed

You might have a big ass if...

• You consider the phrase "watch it fat ass" a compliment
• When walking along and you overhear, "Look at the shitter on that critter!" and instinctively turn around and smile knowing it's you their talking about
• Every time you try to leave the grocery store they stop and accuse you of trying to conceal and steal two hams

You might have a big ass if...

• People describe your butt as "jigglish"
• You have to buy jeans too big for your waist in order to accommodate your fat bottom
• The U.S.Postal Service assigns your butt it's own zip code

You might have a big ass if...

• You go to get something out of the refrigerator, and accidentally switch the dishwasher on
• You get stuck in a double doorway
• Your skirt is always shorter in the back, than in the front

You might have a big ass if...

• You get busted for having two pounds of crack!
• When you ask the question "Does this make me look fat?" and the answer is " No, your hips do."
• You accidentally knock some little child down when you turn around

You might have a big ass if...

• Your butt is your strongest, most powerful muscle
• When you wear high heels you strike oil

You might have a big ass if...

• Your lower back doesn’t touch the floor when you lay down on your back
• You have a rear shelf that you could rest a drink on
• Its still jiggling 4 seconds after you stopped walking